...love remembers

Second Time Around

Well, if you're my age they're used to be a song called "the second time around". Great song! I just found it and added it on the bottom of the page. Anyway, this time in your life probably is more stressful the the first time you got married. You are on your second one, and you don't want to ever have to go to a third. A third one is like, what in the hell am I doing? And for many it's embarrassing. And it becomes more like dating rather then marrying.

This commitment if marriage is about hanging in there. For as long as possible anyway. But it's not a dating tool, where you get along for so many years, divorce when things are not well, and then marry again. Don't go through the heartache or embarrassment. Just date then.

Anyway, on to our topic. Hold on, let me grab my coffee and a donut. I love donuts. OK, I'm ready. The second time around for people is a time to really look at a few things. Because there are some things you may not be aware of that is happening. This is an introspective time. You really need to be honest with yourself and face some possible hard truths.

After a divorce and you heal, get strong again, and gain your confidence, you will date and eventually fall in love again. But you may also go through dating and not fall in love, and marry for the second time around. I hope you see what I am getting at here.

People start to see someone they like, or even like a lot, but not anyone that trips their trigger. This person is a good person, and has all the attributes that they had hoped for, except for one thing. You are not in love with them. Is this a problem you ask? Sure it is. Most of the time, you marry the first time because you are in love.

Through whatever may strain your marriage, which is usually sex and money problems, you divorce. The second time around you start to tend to pick attributes of a person and let the love part stay on the back burner. It's been said "you can learn to love". Maybe, maybe not, but it's not a good way to get started.

Sometimes the person is easy to get along with, treat you great, financially secure, ok looking, sex is fine, good with kids, and treats you like gold. But you don't love them. People tend to go this route on their second marriage. They make marriage more of a common sense issue, rather then a love issue.

Are you doing this? They say "love is blind". And that is probably the truest statement I have ever heard. And when in love, your passion may take over common sense and believe that this person is good for you even though you are not really that compatible.

My grandmother used to say "marry the first time for love, and the second time for money". I can't tell you if this is right or wrong for you, but it would be nice to marry for love, even if it is the second time around. Some people look at marriage in a more practical way these days because of the large percent of marriages that fail. More of a business so to speak.

Is that a wrong way to look at things? That's your choice. And every choice you make in life will determine your future. Some people may be able to enter into a marriage like this and be fine with it. They may have someone with all the attributes they desire that will make the functionality of their life peaceful and secure, and the love part that miss is worth the sacrifice. Others are romantic individuals, and require the lust, passion, and love, and work at the balance. It's your call.

Another aspect of the second time around is just plain loneliness. People get married because they are just plain used to having someone around. Someone to talk to, share their concerns, sex now and then, and a shared bed on those cold nights. Loneliness is the worst feeling in the world, and some will go to any length not to experience that. They may or may not be happy, but for sure the won't be lonely if they marry the second time around.

And there are those who are afraid of the second time around. They are scared that it has to be perfect. They are scared in case this one doesn't work out. Then they would be working on their third time around. YIKES! So they prolong getting married, even if they are in love, and sometimes then lose that person because of what is seen as a lack of commitment.

So as you see, the second time around is not as easy as it seems on the face of it. It can be very complicated and something you should take your time with decisions on the second time around, as love remembers.