...love remembers

Letting Go of a Relationship

So if you are reading this post, you have already gone through the break up, which produced pain that you can't even explain to someone. You have mourned their loss, and have gone through trying to figure out what in the hell went wrong? But regardless of how you feel, your loved one is not there, and all this is real, and not a bad dream.

All this pain and heartache and it's not over yet, is it? How can there be more to all of this? You know there is more, we all do. It's the part that allows us to press forward with our lives, but it's also the part that hurts so very, very much. You don't want to go there at all. No way!

How long has it been now since this all began? A few months? A few years? And now it's time to begin letting go. You hoped, and you prayed for a miracle that would come, and you have somehow endured this pain, only to begin the process of letting go of a relationship. A process you hoped would never happen. And you still ask yourself WHY?

But you know there can be no answer to this sad and lonely question. The one you loved "doesn't love you anymore", and those words will stay with you until you die. One day you will tell a story of this love to a friend, a grand daughter, a nephew, and maybe even the new love in your life.

But the thoughts of this love will never leave you, even as you start the process of letting go, and will stay with you for a very long time if not forever. But if you really and trully loved them, then you have to give them their freedom. You can't force someoen to love you and evidently, life has other plans for the both of you.

How can we have so much joy in loving and being loved in return, and in a a split second, your world has changed forever? How can this be? An age old question I am sure, but now it's your turn. And I am so, so, sorry.

After you have been so sick, for so very long, you absolutely do not have any more strength to carry this torch. It has raped you of your well being, the essence of who you are, and your ability to live life as you should. You are to a point now, that letting go is not even a choice anymore, as it becomes a necessity in order for you to actually survive.

If you are one of the people that easily walks away from such pain and heartache, every one in the world envies you. They really do. But some can do this. They are able to process this as it is one of those things, it didn't work out, and they go on as if the relationship never happened.

How is this possible, I will never understand, but it does. What I do know is that emotionally, some people are born stronger then others, and they survive better then others in matters of the heart.

For many of us, when we see how these emotionally strong people are able to survive this, we think that this person must not of really loved that other person anyway, even though they are the ones that got dumped. They are doing fine and are already dating and seem happy. They do! And they are! I'll never be able to comprehend this but I have seen it happen many times.

Then you wonder, if they can survive this that easily, how do they love? I mean, do they love like most of us? Or do they love without so much emotion attached?

Then there are the people that love and bring all of their emotions to this relationship. They love deeply, unconditionally, and with all their heart. The other becomes a part of their life, and they try and build a loving relationship, and a home together.

These people in the matter of letting go take this very badly. Their love is deep and can't imagine their life without this person. They lived for this person and looked forward to the time spent with them. They loved each other and learned from each other. How do you go on now, you ask yourself? These people will go through so much pain and heartache and the thought of letting go are words they can't even fathom.

They stay in shock, and in a world of disbelief for a very long time. And letting go to them are words that are only considered when they emotionally and physically can't bare the pain no longer. It's not even a choice, as it is more a necessity to survive.

And last we have the people that love too much. Is that possible you ask? Yes it is. These people love deeply. They love to the bone! They live for this love in everything they do. Not to the point of smothering, or jealously, but they love with all they have, all their might, with all of their being. A love so true, so deep, that they will love this person until the day they die. Letting go will not be an option for these people and it will never take place. It will never happen.

Yes, after a very, very long time they may find another to share their life with, but they will not love like this again. And yes, some will never become close to anyone again in their life, and live alone. These people lived life for their love. It was what made them the people they are. Letting go is not an option for these people.

"The past cannot be changed.The future is yet in your power."

- Hugh White

Letting go of a relationship, and unrequited love go hand in hand. Letting go of a relationship is something most will experience in their lifetime. Some, unfortunately, more then once. But sooner or later, whether we like it or not, the emotional and physical pain of this kind of loss will force us to face that final stage of letting go.

Once you do pass through this final stage, you will start to live life again. I know it doesn't seem remotely possible, but you will. Memories are wonderful things to reflect on, but we can't live in the past, or the future. You have to live for today and share with the world all that is you. They say that in life, whatever doesn't kill you, will make you stronger. Let's hope so.

Unfortunately, the loss of a love will tend to make us not love so deeply in the future. You will guard your heart more closely, and not give into love so easily. But letting go is necessary in life as life goes on and so must you.

Letting go is not an easy thing to do if even possible. You get hurt by people that you love and trust. Many articles have been written about this subject with many ways to recover. By and large the only thing that will anyone is time.

And this is not to say that time heals all wounds. In many cases this is true, although even with years that pass, if the person that hurt you crosses your path, or if their name is brought up in conversation, your heart may skip a beat with a flood of memories that will come to the surface that you have hidden for so many years.

Letting go isn't a decision you make one day and that's it. It takes time to let go. You make a decision when that person comes into your mind to shut it out and think of something else. That is why it is so very important to keep yourself busy at this time. An idle mind is the devils workshop. The more your mind is on something else, the more you don't think of that person.

And when that person comes to your mind again, or a memory surfaces, you change your thoughts again and think of something else. After a while of this, slow but sure, the person won't be there 24/7. They thoughts and memories will come less often, little by little, and one day you will have let go. Your new life is consumed by work, friends, and activities. And at one point, another romantic interest. Letting go allows you to go on with your life, so you will do it for you.

You may always hold a special place in your heart for this person, but they have let you go and so you must. Go with the thoughts of the good times, and don't let anger/hurt get the best of you as it so often does with matters of the heart.

So does letting go, or time passing, actually heal you permanently? In my opinion, the answer would be no. We are human and a result of all the experiences and people that cross our paths during our journey on this earth. We need to practice letting go to heal well enough to move on, of which we have no choice, which is what we are supposed to do. Erasing the memory of such a hurt from someone you love/loved and trusted will be impossible as love remembers.

My prayers are with you.

"Never mind the anguish that lies behind.

Forget, Forgive, Love and Laugh."