...love remembers

Just A Thought

Many times during the course of a day, I have just a thought. Probably just like you. It could be on any subject really, but just a thought, just the same. Sometimes it is a search term that someone used to reach this site which triggers a short article.

When writing a web site, many times these thought aren't really enough to write a whole page on, so you just forget about it and think, maybe later I could turn this subject into an article. Well, instead I thought I would just write it as a short article.

Just A Thought

September 3, 2010

Variety is the spice of life

One thing I have found is that the human being desires variety. So many people have lost love stories, of which they all think their story is unique, and they are hurting more then anyone in the world. Right?

When two people find each other they admit to their attraction to one another for many reasons. Your so cute, your hair is beautiful, you are so beautiful, you're so strong, bla bla bla.

The bottom line is when someone gets to know you well enough, you may not be, and will probably will not be, a match made in heaven. It's just the odds. We date, live with one another, but for the most part, sooner or later, we tire of our partner, or are not the person you thought they were. But you don't know any of this until you spend time with them.

And by spending time with them, and things go south, someone is going to get hurt badly. It happens in marriage too, but for moral reasons mostly, we just don't up and leave because of that piece of paper. But if you were single, someone would have been gone already.

How do two people be so in love one minute, and the next, don't even speak to one another, is crazy, but it's true. We live in a love'm and leav'm world. Guard your heart, take care of you, because the next time you fall for someone and you're just so in love for the past year, does not mean, it's forever. And varieety is the spice of life.

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Just A Thought

August 13, 2010

Settling for Mr. Right

I ran into my friends Mary and JR tonight. I haven't seen Mary for about a year and a half. It was nice to see her again. I went out for a cold beer where she used to tend bar and low and behold, she was sitting there having a cold one herself. Mary got a good job out of town and she isn't around much, but life happens.

We caught up a little and she was telling me that many of her friends are married now, at 26. Getting married at such a young age? That's another story.

Anyway, she had went on to say that she has met many really nice, well adjusted attractive men that were super nice, but never takes it too far. She said she doesn't feel the butterflies in her stomach, and she is not going to settle. BRAVO!

She wasn't looking for perfection, and didn't have a grocery list of must have's either. She just hasn't felt that passion, that knowing, and those butterflies in her stomach.

Some people feel that as time goes by that they should settle for Mr. Good Enough. Someone actually wrote a book on the subject. Can you believe it??

By doing so, you cheat yourself and your spouse! Mary had the right idea. She said she would love to cuddle on the couch, watch a movie, and have some popcorn. Who wouldn't? And as everyone knows that coming home to an empty house, except for your cat or dog,(which is nice)can be difficult at times.

These times can be trying, and are not easy. But don't settle, or you will be sorry you did. Mary, if you ever read this, I am proud of you, and I know the love of your life will find you soon.

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Just A Thought

July 21, 2010

Healing Unrequited Love In Your Forties

I have received a couple search terms on this subject. I have written about Unrequited Love and The Decade of Separation.

As your forties is the decade if separation it can be quite heartbreaking. Many who have separated or divorced attempt to go on with their lives in a healthy way, which is good. In doing so, they meet someone, fall in love, and for some reason break up.

To the dismay of the person who now is experiencing unrequited love, the breaking of your heart now, can feel extra bad.

You see, as we age and get past those dating years, we tend to feel we are at an age where the romantic games are over, and if you start over with someone you seem to connect with, it will be serious. No more game playing, right? Nope!

It should be, you're right. But not so unfortunately. The worst part of it is you are not a kid anymore and being that you expected a more mature relationship, you heart seems to break harder then it did when you were young.

Healing unrequited love in your forties can be very difficult as you entered this romance open minded, maturely, honestly, and wore your heart on your sleeve. But there will always be someone out there to take advantage of you, I promise.

Should this happen? Of course not. Not at this age. But it does regardless. The worst part is that the person that you has just hurt you is no sorrier then the person that did this as a youth. Hopefully, karma will catch up with them.

So heal my friend. Probably not your first time and I know you probably swore it would nevr happen to you again. Guard your heart as in this day and age, people are hurtful at any age.

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Just A Thought

July 16, 2010

Dating Someone On Anti-depressants

The search terms that people use to end up finding an article here on my site are compiled daily. I review the terms to see what is on the mind of the people that are doing the search, so I can write and address some of these.

Since I wrote the article “Love and Antidepressants” and I have had all sorts of search terms that people use that evidently is a concern of theirs. The one that come to mind is “dating someone on anti-depressants”.

I’m not a doctor but will give you my experience with these. Please contact a doctor to review any questions or concerns you may have.

As far as dating someone who is on anti-depressants, you probably are not alone. Tens of millions of these prescriptions have been written. But you probably won’t notice anything at all. The changes in that person probably have already taken place. Chances are they don’t even know they have changed at all. As far as they are concerned they are who they are. So you are dating the person you now know as them, and they know as themselves.

Simply put, they are who they are. Most people I think stay on these for a lifetime. Therefore you will never know the person they were, and they don’t think they have changed at all except to know they feel better. These changes are called “Cosmetic Pharmacology”. Many people are on medications to feel better. This is really no different. They are taking medications to feel better. If you love them and they you, it’s a good thing. The only people that would know the difference would be people who knew them before they started taking the medication.

There has been documentation that some fall out of love with people that they already have a relationship with. It could have been someone very dear to them or a spouse. They look at things different. Some lose their romantic passion, some of their emotions become blunted where what was once important is no longer, and some gain weight. And they don’t know they have changed. But you are dating the “new them”. So how they look at things, and you, are they way they are going to feel for good. It would only be if they were to ever go off of the drugs that you may see the difference in the person I think, as they would revert back to who they were.

There is a lot of controversy about these drugs, but for the most part they have helped many people. I have listed some of the views by professionals in the field in the article. If you have any concerns or questions, again, see a doctor and even get a second or third opinion as there are many views about SSRI’s.

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Just A Thought

July 11, 2010

Divorce Clustering

It seems society deams up a name for everything. Recently, I have heard and read quite a bit about divorce, and the effect that someone else's romantic problems has on people they are close to.

It is said that when people announce that they are getting a divorce, the people around them, family members and friends, start to question their marriage. It "rubs off" it seems.

As we're all different people, the reasons for divorce, separation, and breaking up, are uniquely different for each of us. Some require passion in our relationships or they feel, "what's the point" with out it? Some want to be together more, and some want space.

There are some who want a lot of sex, and some that don't. Some have let themselves go and have gained a lot of weight and don't recognize the person the married and lose attraction for that person, and some it doesn't bother.

As you can see, the lisr can go on and on. We are all different. Nothing, or no one is perfect in life. We have to accept the people in our lives for who and what they are,or leave.

It is easy to leave these days. Yes, we live in a throw away society, and when something is broke, it is easier to replace it, then to repair it.

Just because a friend or a family member gets a divorce doesn't mean you have to, or should. After all, if Johnny jumped off a bridge, would you?

Divorce almost seems hip these days. You have to know at least one person who has gone through a divorce, or a break up. And probably a lot more then that.

Yes, sometimes relationships can be more then tough. And many people step back from time to time and look at where they are, and there is nothing wrong with that.

But doing so just because someone else is having problems, does not mean you need to, or should consider this.

Don't worry about everyone else. Just worry about you and yours. Sometimes things don't work out for some, and that's a shame. But don't start a problem that's just not there.

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Just A Thought

September 6, 2009

Live A Life Of Intent

Many people believe that we are on this earth on a journey. I tend to disagree. Journey to where? For many, they believe that we need to work our 50, 60, and dare I say 70 hours a week to pay for a place to live, a car, food, etc. When we do that we get one or two days off a week to run errands, pick up laundry, get kids off to games, go grocery shopping, and catch up on some sleep. And then it starts all over again on Monday.

As life seems to be dictating to you what kind of life you are living, it doesn't seem for most, this is what they intended. Living a life of intent is all about choices. Your choices. But just think about living you life of intent?

There are no do-overs in life. And when you are young it seems forever before you will be getting older, but it does happen, I promise. You are here to enjoy life. You are here to enjoy your romantic partner, family, and children if you have any. Along with that, we are all blessed with talents and things that make us happy.

But how many people do you know that actually go to their job every day, if they have one these days, that actually like what they do.? When was the last time you heard someone say "I Love My Job"! Instead, many are miserable every day, week after week, month after month, because we work for someone or work at something that we just can't stand?

Living a lifetime on this earth, miserable, is a shame. And when you are miserable, you aren't fun to be with, always stressed, and are not kind to the ones you love, including yourself.

What if you actually worked at something you actually loved? What if? What if you worked 40 hours a week, period? What if you weren't so exhausted every day? What if you had time with your family and children? What if you didn't look so tired every day? What if you were happy and smiled a lot? What if you had time to spend with your romantic partner?

WHAT IF?

I know that we as adults have to be responsible. And I know that if we actually did what we liked, it may not pay the bills. But it may. Are you going to spend your entire life intending to live a life without pleasure and happiness. Is it worth the price you pay?

Is it worth it to spend more hours at work then any other place? Is it worth it for you and your romantic partner to hardly see each other, grow apart, have a sexless relationship, and forget why you ended up together? Is it worth not spending that much time with your children?

Can you downsize your life and intend to live happy? I have know many people to leave the big cities with all the excitement and things to do, and move to small town America to live cheaper and have a life. Maybe that's not for you?

And many don't have to work so hard and make a nice living, and for those of you that do, God Bless You. I hope you realize how fortunate you are.

You are not put here on this earth to suffer, but to live a happy life. To live a life of intent. What is peace and happiness worth to you? Remember, there are no do-overs.

Just A Thought

July 22, 2009

Marriage Conflicts

It is simply amazing that when you say "I DO" that you would ever start to take advantage of, or dislike the person you loved oh so much on that very happy day in your life.

What happens? Life happens! But it doesn't have to. We let it happen, and don't even realize it. Life these days gets so busy. What was once a forty hour week that was considered full time, is now a sixty hour week for many. Some maybe more, and that doesn't count the commute fro many who don't live in small towns.

We live with each other and instead of being lovers, we become room mates that have sex now and again. For those of you that this doesn't happen to, congratulation! But for those of you that this does happen to, it's time to wake up, and realize what you are missing.

I know, you say its her fault and she says its your fault. It's no one's fault actually. It's just life. But realize one thing, it is very difficult to meet and fall in love with someone as it is. So when you do, be very very grateful.

But as conflicts arise, you can't put them on the back burner. So many couples don't talk about certain things, or think to themselves that they will address this later. And many times they just don't say anything at all. Communication is the answer to sucessful relationships. I know that sounds over done and even boring, but it's true.

Whatever is bothering you about your partner, you need to address, politely, and tactfully, so you both will maintain a healthy relationship. Too many times things stay bottled up for far too long that leads to fighting, nasty things said, and adultery.

Whatever it is, and no matter how long it has been, start talking to your partner. You are not going to agree on everything as you are different individuals. So agree to disagree.

This is the person that you loved so much on that wedding day. Don't let life pull you apart so you can be another statistic. You need to do these things as, love remembers.

July 20, 2009

Endings and Beginnings

There has been many articles written on the upcoming Solar Eclipse tomorrow. Astrology doesn't have to be your thing, but I read some of the articles. This is a time when "things end" and "new beginnings". Whether that is actually true or not is really up to you to believe, but it got me thinking.

Change is a part of life that is a constant. You can fight it all you want, but it is going to happen. Most people fight change. They like things just the way they are. They can depend on certain things every day. It somehow tends to relieve stress in their day.

But it's going to happen! We go through seasons in our life. And like all seasons that happen in nature, they end. It almost seems as though that something is pushing us through life, and to where, no one knows.

As things end, it allows room for something new in your life. You may not like how this affects your life. It's new, and it's different. And it is not calming either. But, it is necessary for you to grow.

Sometimes these changes bring emotional pain and heartache, which become memories, that you will look back on, but will make you the person you have or will become. You are the result of your life experiences.

You may find that friends will move, jobs will change, lovers will meet, and it's all because of endings and beginnings. I think you will find you will like the person you are to become.

July 19, 2009

Passing 50

Hitting the ripe old age of fifty was not a big deal to me, and that was a few years ago. Actually, passing every decade of my life wasn't a big deal. I had friends, and some relatives which took these markers of life passing very hard. I always looked a bit younger for what my actual age was. I was energetic, in decent shape, hard working, and love working with the public.

And although I used to kid around to friends and family that I was on the downside, I really never took it that seriously. That was until fifty four came down the pike. What happens to people from fifty to fifty four? It's only a few years difference after all?

I am blessed that I am in good health, so far, but it seems that it takes an extra few seconds to get out of bed in the morning. Also, my body feels a little heavier too, probably because I actually am. Don't you just hate gravity? I notice that I have hair growing in places I don't want it, and not growing on the top of my head! What's up with that?

After sitting for a length of time, my knee cracks when I stand up. There are some foods my body can't tolerate anymore either, if you know what I mean. And although I am a loving, passionate man when it comes to sex, junior doesn't perform like he used to. I never thought in my youth that part would ever let me down. lol

I also started thinking about leaving friends and family a letter, or a video, for the time when I pass. Which is not something I like to think about!

My hair line has receded, and I am starting to see some light brown patches on my face, form being in the sun so much as a child. A few more wrinkles that I though made me look distinguished, are increasing.

All these things, plus a few more, in just a few years. I thought it was me until one day my wife was watching Oprah and Dr. Oz on tv one day, and Oprah asked the same question. What happened from fifty to fifty four? So much has changed! I had to laugh.

When I used to tell people I was fifty, they would be astonished, and thought I looked forty. I would smile. Now I say I am fifty four, and they don't say anything. Bummer!

I always say, youth is wasted on the young.

As you round the corner of life, love every day. Live them all as if they were your last. Laugh a little more, and cry a little less, is what I wish for you.