I don't find my husband attractive

by Linda
(Utah)

I can't believe those words actually came out of my mouth. I actually spoke the words. I don't know if I am just being honest with myself finally, or I am a cruel person. I'm so confused.

It's been twelve years of marriage and I can't even bare to have sex with him. I say to myself that if I was out and saw him at the same place, I wouldn't even give him a second look, let alone have sex with him.

He is a good provider, helps around the house, good with the kids, and kind and considerate. But shouldn't there be more? I love him, but find I am not "in love" with him. Does that sound crazy?

It's only been twelve years and many more to go, I think. Do I spend my entire life with a man I don't find attractive because of my vows? We go around once and that is it. So is it selfish to think of me?

I hope with some deep thought I can find an answer that I can live with.